Data Catches The Common Cold
by smo13
Summary: The title says what it's all about. marked as Troi/Data, but is really Troi/riker, Troi/Data, and Geordi/Data. What happens when our favorite android gets sick in the 24th century? How is this possible? Keep reading to find out. Rated T for later. Enjoy:
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, this will be a multi-chapter story and this is the first chapter. I have other chapters semi-written and will update asap. Also, this is written with two friends. The first is the HAS is HAHAS. The second is a friend who wishes to be anonymous. Hope you enjoy this almost-impossible-to-happen/sorta-crackfic fic **

Data Catches The "Common" Cold

Chapter 1

It was a bright sunny day on the holodeck. Data was performing another one of his many poems. He finished it and his audience, Troi, applauded excitedly. Troi complemented him. They had a nice conversation until a message came through the comm. system.

Captain Picard said, " Attention. All senior staff report to the observation lounge."

" Wonder what that's about," Troi said. Troi and Data left the holodeck together with Data still reciting poems.

10 odes and 15 sonnets later, Troi and Data arrived at the observation lounge to join the rest of the senior staff…except for Crusher and Geordi. Troi and Data took their normal seats, Troi next to Riker, and Data on Picard's right.

"I have called you all here because Dr. Crusher believes there is an epidemic…of the common cold," Picard explained. The rest of the senior staff gasped.

After a short pause, Data asked, "Where is Geordi?" The rest of the senior staff looked around. When no one knew, the Captain addressed the computer.

"Computer, location of lieutenant commander Geordi LaForge?" Picard asked.

"Lieutenant commander Geordi LaForge is in sickbay," replied the voice of Majel Barrett.

"Mother?" Troi said aloud, "What are you doing on the Enterprise?"

"Geordi made the computer sound like your mother to get a rise out of Captain Picard," Data replied.

"Well it worked," Picard stated. The rest of the senior staff laughed.

"Ok. Back to seriousness," said Riker for the first time in his life.

"Right," replied Picard, "Dr. Crusher is down in sickbay with almost the entire crew with the common cold. She doesn't know what we could do to help, but she has asked us to be more hygienic and aware of our surroundings." The senior staff nodded. Picard continued, "Number one, I need you to stay on the bridge along with Mr. Worf. Troi, Data, Dr. Crusher has asked for your help in sickbay. That's all. Dismissed." The senior staff left the observation lounge to go back to their stations. Data had started reciting poems to Troi again on their way to sickbay.

100 haikus and 20 limericks later, Troi and Data arrived in sickbay to see a distraught Crusher running back and forth a tricorder and hypo spray in her hands. Troi and Data approached Crusher.

"What do you want us to do?" asked Troi.

"Troi, make sure no one has a psychotic breakdown. Data…just…entertain people!" Crusher replied hurriedly. Troi and Data nodded simply and calmly and went to do what they were told.

While Troi was checking on everyone's mental status, Data had taken to his own doing. Data went to visit Geordi by his biobed.

"Hello Geordi. How are you feeling?" Data asked.

"I…I guess I'm slightly better, but I don't expect to be back to work anytime soon," Geordi replied.

"Ah, " Data stated. Both were silent for a moment.

"Geordi, may I ask…could you explain the concept of 'awkward silence' to me?" asked Data.

"Well sure Data. I can try. Well…"said Geordi. Before being able to complete his thought, Geordi sneezed on the android.

"Geordi?" inquired Data, "I believe you are supposed to sneeze into your sleeve or on a tissue…not on my arm. Am I right?" Geordi nodded and started laughing. Data was fake smiling along with him until they heard a loud thump on the floor and turned around to see…


	2. Chapter 2

**Dear all who are reading this, the second chapter is finally up. It may not be at all what you are expecting, but it is what it is. Feel free to skip this chapter because it is Troi-centric and if you prefer Data centric you can wait to the next chapter. However, if you are a fan of Data AND Troi, this chapter is fantastic. So yeah, no matter what…try to enjoy **

Chapter 2

Deanna Troi was relaxing in her quarters organizing PADDs while sipping hot chocolate and a double chocolate chocolate chip hot fudge sundae. She went to go brush her hair in the bathroom. She donned her nightgown and got in bed to fall asleep.

Three imzadi fantasies and ten chocolate world dreams later, Troi awoke suddenly. She felt such strong emotions of pain, sorrow, despair, and terror. She had not felt feeling this strong since Farpoint.

"I think I'll go to sickbay and try to figure out what's going on," Troi stated to herself, "If only Will were here to help me get there." She left her quarters after putting on her bathrobe. She was approaching sickbay slowly because she could hardly stay standing up.

As she got closer to sickbay, she realized that the feelings were getting stronger. She stopped in the hallway near the turbo lift that led to the bridge. She held her head and let out a few muffled cries of pain before sliding to the floor unconscious.

Just before she slid into unconsciousness, the turbo lift doors opened. Riker stepped out to find the unconscious betazoid twenty feet away from him.

"Deanna!" he yelled. He ran to her, picked her up, and hurried to sickbay with the unconscious Troi in his hands.

When Riker arrived in sickbay still with Troi, he saw a distraught Crusher running from patient to patient now checking their mental health.

"What's going on?" asked Riker after setting Deanna on a biobed.

"All my patients have developed severe mental psychosis," stated the under slept doctor.

"Well that would explain it," said Riker.

"What do you mean?" Crusher replied.

"Well, there's this small problem," started the first officer.

"Oh don't tell me it's another cold!" the annoyed doctor interrupted.

"No. I found Deanna in a hallway in her nightgown unconscious," continued Riker.

"Is she ok?" said Crusher, tricorder in hand, as she and Riker headed towards Troi.

"I don't know," replied Riker, "but I assume that it's because of all your patients."

"That's very probable," she replied as they reached Troi. Crusher put her tricorder over the unconscious betazoid. "It seems, indeed, that the mental health of my patients has affected Deanna's mental health," Crusher concluded.

"Imzadi," Riker said out loud and telepathically.

"I'm going to give her a telepathy reducer to help with the pain and overwhelming feelings. It might help her wake up," stated Crusher while sympathetically smiling.

"Can I?" started Riker.

"Yes," replied Crusher straight away knowing the question. Crusher gave Troi the telepathy reducer through hypo spray and left the room to examine other patients.

Riker waited by his Imzadi the entire night periodically sending telepathic messages and saying comforting words out loud.

The next morning, Riker was about to go to bridge duty from sickbay. He kissed Troi goodbye and got up. Right before he left the room, he heard a groan and turned around to see Troi's fingers twitch.

"Imzadi?" Troi asked Riker telepathically.

"Imzadi? It's me, Will. I won't leave you. I'll stay with you," said Riker telepathically and out loud. Troi suddenly had the will and strength to sit up and hugged Riker.

Dr. Crusher walked in on their embrace.

"Well, nice to see you awake, Deanna," Crusher stated in a much more relaxed state. Troi and Riker broke their embrace.

"Thank you, Beverly. I'm sure I'm fine now. I'll just be going back to work," replied Troi as she attempted to leave.

"Oh no you don't. I'll need to do a full physical on you and check your mental health before you even _think_ about going back to duty, " Crusher stated seriously. Troi sighed.

" Do you remember what happened?" asked Crusher after a pause. Troi had a pained expression on her face before she said,

"Yes, I was dreaming about...never mind. Anyway, I was suddenly jolted awake by strong feelings. It was overwhelming on my body. It was worse than Farpoint. So, I got up to come here. However, as I got closer, I started feeling extremely disoriented and put my hands to my head to keep the feeling out…obviously to no effect. And then…I don't remember what happened next. The next moment I remember was a few minutes ago." Troi still had a pained expression on her face. Crusher gave her another hypo spray.

"What was that for?" Troi asked.

"It's a telepathy reducer. However it also helps you relax while at the same time reducing the headache I know you're hiding," Crusher explained.

"You know me too well," replied Troi jokingly. The three of them laughed.

"So am I good to go?" asked Troi.

"Your physicals are normal. However, in terms of you mental health, you still have risen levels of (insert medical term here) so I need you to use your empathy a little less," replied Crusher, " However, you may want to wait twenty four hours before going to work because of risk of losing consciousness or dizziness, alright?"

"Alright," replied Troi after giving in. She stepped off the biobed and immediately felt dizzy. Riker and Crusher supported her to the main sickbay. Troi went walking around. Crusher turned to Riker and said,

"Watch over her, will you?" Riker replied with a nod. They suddenly heard a loud thump and ran.


	3. Chapter 3 Part 1

**Hi all, this is the first part of chapter 3 finally posted. So, I got a little carried away with the whole Troi thing so, if you like Troi you should read this chapter. If you don't skip to the last paragraph, which sets up part 2 of chapter 3. And I promise, after this, everything will be Data centric so enjoy **

Troi was on the floor. Data, Crusher and Riker had run to her.

"Are you alright?" asked Data.

"Yes, yes. I'm fine now. It must have just been an after effect," replied Troi.

"She's probably right," said Crusher as she ran a tricorder over the small betazoid, "Alright then. You can go back to work now."

"Thank you," said Troi as she walked out of sickbay with Riker right behind her.

Troi and Riker were headed to the turbo lift to get to the bridge. Troi looked to Riker, who looked feverish.

"Are you ok?" asked Troi.

"Yes, I'm fine," stated the feverish first officer.

"Oh, come on. You really expect me to believe you? After all these years you'd think you would know better than to lie to me…you know…since I can always tell when you're lying," Troi lectured.

"You know, I've always hated that part of you…and loved it," Riker replied with a smile. They looked at each other for a few seconds.

"Now, let's get you back to sickbay before you…" Troi started to say. She didn't get a chance to finish before Riker fell on the floor unconscious.

"Will!" Troi yelled. She knelt down to him on instinct. She then attempted to pick him up failing miserably from the impact on her mind from their imzadi bond…and the fact that he weighed over two hundred pounds. When Troi's attempts failed, she decided to contact Crusher.

"Troi to Crusher," Troi said over the comm. link.

"Crusher here," the once-again-stressed doctor replied.

"Beverly, could you send someone to Turbo lift one…quickly!"

"Calm down, Deanna. What's going on?" asked Crusher.

"We were going to the bridge and then…he was unconscious!" said the near-hysterics betazoid.

"I'll come straight away," Crusher replied quickly.

After ten more hypo spray administrations and twenty calls later in sickbay, Crusher finally arrived at Turbo lift one to see the now emotionally distraught Troi next to the unconscious Riker.

"I'm here. Sorry it took so long," said Crusher. When Crusher heard no response, she turned to Troi who was sinking to the floor holding her head again.

"Are you alright?" asked Crusher.

"For now, yes. Just help Will," replied Troi. Crusher returned to Riker. She ran a tricorder over him.

"I think he's gotten infected," stated Crusher. She than administered a hypo spray.

"Crusher to transporter room three. Three to transport directly to sickbay," said Crusher to the comm. link. Crusher, Riker, and Troi then dematerialized and rematerialized in sickbay. The nurses immediately rushed over to help Riker to a biobed. She instructed Dr. Selar to look after Riker. Crusher walked to Troi who was collapsed on the floor again.

"Deanna, what's going on?" questioned Crusher.

"It's Will. Our bond is messing with me again," Troi replied.

" Well do you want to stay her or should I take you back to your quarters?"

"Take me," the betazoid replied.

"Let's go," stated Crusher before helping Troi up. They walked out of sickbay together with Troi holding her head with her hands with Crusher supporting her to keep her upright.

They arrived in Troi's quarters. Crusher helped get her into bed and told her that if she were to get a good night's sleep, she would be fine in the morning.

With that, Crusher left the sleeping Troi to go back to sickbay. Crusher returned to sickbay with biobeds full of sick people. She sighed and then said,

"At least some of our crew is well…like Data. I don't know what we'd do if he got sick. Looks like it's gonna be another long night."


	4. Chapter 3 Part 2

The next morning Data woke up feeling rather strange. He got up and went to the replicator to feed his cat Spot.

"Computer feline supplement number ah ah ah achoo.

"No such supplement number achoo," replied the computer. Data thought to himself, _It appears I have caught the common cold, I believe I will do what Counselor Troi calls 'hiding it' so that I may continue performing my duties._ Suddenly the door chimed. He answered it.

"Good Morning Counselor."

"Hello Data. How are you this morning?"

"I am functioning within normal parameters."

"Great. Ready for bridge duty?"

"Yes. One minute please, but come in."

Data went to finish putting on his uniform. Troi was wandering aimlessly around his quarters. Suddenly Data felt a strange itch in his nose. He sneezed. Troi heard him.

"Data what was that?"

"Sorry Counselor. It is part of a…a new program I am developing."

"Data! You should know better than to create a program about an epidemic. "

"Sorry Counselor. It will not happen again."

"Very well then, ready to go?"

"Yes." They walked out of his quarters towards the turbolift to the bridge.

Ten odes and 13 sonnets later, they reached the turbolift. By this time, Data's throat was feeling rather sore. He cleared his throat quietly hoping that Troi would not notice. Of course, knowing her, she did notice.

"Data, I thought I told you to stop."

"Sorry Counselor. I honestly will stop now and delete the program."

"Good." They arrived on the bridge.

Data some how managed to survive his entire shift without a sneeze. They had their daily meeting in the observation lounge where Picard told Troi and Data to go back to sickbay because Crusher needed a break along with her medical staff.

As they walked out of the observation lounge Data started swaying. He tried to mask it by grabbing the handrail and pretending to look at the weapons array. He could not get rid of the infuriating tickle in his nose, which grew stronger by the minute, but knew he could not sneeze in front of Troi.

They finally made it to sickbay for the first time in a month where Data was not reciting poems.

As they walked into sickbay Troi asked,

"Data, why have you not recited a poem?"

"I do not know. Perhaps it is because of the seriousness of the situation." Troi nodded in approval. They walked into the main part of sickbay seeing a distraught Crusher more tired than ever. Troi went over to talk to her while Data was looking around trying to stop the room from spinning.

"Beverly, you look like you could use some rest along with your medical staff. I can take over for you for a little."

"Thank you so much, Deanna. I'll make it up to you later."

"No need. Just go rest." Crusher nodded and smiled in agreement and left sickbay to sleep. Troi started venturing around administering hypo sprays and recording people's vitals with a tricorder.

An hour later, Troi finally got to Riker. He looked miserable.

"How you feeling?" Riker replied with a groan. "I'll take that as no better?" Riker nodded. Troi heard a loud cry. She turned around and saw Data and a crying girl next to him.

"Data! Get over here right now!" Data started on his way over to Troi. Halfway across the room he felt the need to get rid of the immense tickle in his nose that had been torturing him for the last hour. He turned around and stifled five sharp sneezes in his sleeve. Avoiding Troi's questioning glare, he continued to walk toward her. He was a few steps away from Riker's biobed when he felt his legs give out.

"Data!" Troi exclaimed. She ran over to Data and ran a tricorder over him. She

decided that Crusher had had a long enough break.

"Troi to Crusher"

"Crusher here."

"Come quick and help! It's Data!" As soon as Crusher heard this, she rushed to go back to sickbay.

As soon as Crusher reached sickbay she rushed over to the unconscious Android.

"This is impossible," Crusher exclaimed, "He is running an extremely high fever."

"What?" Troi asked in surprise.

"Help me move him to a bio bed"

When they got him to a biobed, Crusher wished to administer a hypospray, but that was a little difficult under the circumstances. Seeing that Data was starting to shiver violently, Troi covered him with a betazoid heat blanket. Riker had somehow managed to get out of bed.

"Hey! How come he gets a betazoid blanket and I don't?"

"You weren't shivering."

Crusher ran a tricorder over him. His fever has gone up.

"Quickly we need to get it down before it causes permanent positronic damage." She called some nurses over for ice packs and cooling blankets. His temperature was soon lowered by 2 degrees. That was not enough, but it was good for now.

3 days later, all the patients had started to recover and were ready to go back to work. Data, on the other hand, was not improving, but in fact getting worse. He had not regained consciousness and his fever was always rising. As soon as Crusher got it down to a manageable level it would rise higher then ever. Crusher was at her wits end. All of the medications she had tried giving Data made him worse not better.

"Crusher to Picard"

"Picard here how is Data?"

"No better"

"Alright I will come down to see him"

An hour later Picard and Troi appeared in sickbay.

"Jean- Luc, I suppose you want to see Data?" asked Crusher.

"Yes, how is he?" replied the captain.

"I managed to get his fever down but it is only a matter of time before it goes up again?"

"Would you mind if I went to see him?"

"No, Deanna, will you help me with some paper work?" Captain Picard walked over to Data's bed and laid a hand on the android's shoulder. He sat down in the unoccupied chair.

"Oh Data, how I could use your advice right now and your time frames to the millisecond." As he was saying this he thought he saw Data's finger twitch but he realized it was just his imagination. Suddenly, Picard heard a familiar beeping noise. Data's vitals had gone up. He called Crusher over who ran a tricorder over him exclaiming that his fever had gone up to 41oC

"Nurse Ogawa?"

"Yes Doctor?"

"Bring over some icepacks and cooling blankets"

"Yes Doctor. I'll be right over."

"Captain, stay with him please."

"I … I have to get back to the bridge"

"Very well then will you send Geordi down? I'm sure Data will be more comfortable with his best friend next to him."

"I will send him down right away."

As the Captain was leaving, Nurse Ogawa came in with the cooling blankets. She quickly placed them on Data. The captain could hear the hiss as they touched Data's feverish skin. He quickly walked out of sickbay towards the turbo lift muttering,

"Felis cattus is your taxonomic noman clature." He got to the bridge

"Mr. La Forge, your presence is requested in sickbay"

"Is he … awake?"

"No he has gotten worse" Geordi sighed.

"All right. I'll leave now." They nodded at each other as the turbolift doors closed on Geordi. He stopped at deck 3 and an annoying ensign

walked in.

12 explanations and 15 complaints later, they arrived on deck 16, where sickbay was.

"Nice talking to you ensign, but this is my stop."

"Oh. Alright then. I hope…" Geordi walked out of earshot of the ensign who was still babbling…in the uncute kind of way.

Geordi walked into sickbay and walked to Crusher.

"Where is he and how is he?" Crusher just pointed.

"Well…"

"Oh. Right. He's not getting better. His fever refuses to go down. This time Geordi nodded and walked over to Data.

"Hi Data. I know you can't hear me or maybe you can, but I miss you. So does the rest of the crew. I can't imagine what this situation would be like if you were helping us. When our positions were reversed you helped me and entertained me, now I'll do the same to you." He turned to Crusher. "Why is he experiencing more severe life threatening symptoms than the rest of the crew?" asked the engineer.

"Hmm. Perhaps it's because he's an android. Remember the time when none of us could get REM sleep except now he's the only one being affected."

"That could be true. Maybe we should have a meeting later today to discuss where to go from here ((Buffy reference:)))…you know to get everyone's opinion?"

"That sounds like a great idea. I'll ask the captain to schedule one." As Crusher walked away, Geordi turned back to Data.

"Come on Data we need you." Suddenly Geordi saw one of Data's eyelids flicker

Geordi gasped


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey people, here's the chapter you've been waiting for. Sorry for the long wait on Data actual getting the common cold. You know how some characters can get distracting…. (Troi). It has references to funny episodes with an underlying dramatic tone. Enjoy! All references are credit to the creators.

Chapter 4

The entire senior staff was seated in the observation lounge in their chairs, everyone in their normal spot. They were in the middle of a conversation.

"Please continue Geordi," stated Picard.

"Well like I said. The doctor and I agree that what is happening to him is similar to what happened when we could not get REM sleep."

"You mean like what happened to me?" Troi asked.

"Actually it's kind of like the opposite of what happened to him last time."

"That's beside the point", Worf growled, "We need to find a way to cure him."

"Um, Worf, that may be a clue to cure him."

"What if we make him say 3s over and over again?"

"Um, what exactly is that gonna do. I'll tell you…nothing!"

"I mean he's unconscious for goodness sake how is he supposed to say 3?"

"Settle down we will see what happens and reconvene at 0700 hours."

"Are you delusional we have to do something?"

"Wait, is someone in the back of the room?" Riker asked.

"Who's there?" Picard demanded

"You do not recognize me, moi capitain?" They turned around and noticed someone dressed in a Starfleet uniform sitting at the end of the table.


End file.
